Rules of Dating

A facebook entry I thought about it in the shower.
It had some comic parts. I spent about 2 hours drawing, then 2 hours posting. I hate how it takes that much time to do things.

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Everybody always uses baseball as a analogy for their relationship status. I feel that's bullshit. I am NOT a baseball player. I am a video gamer. And we gamers are accustomed to stages, not bases. Without further adeu, I provide you with the Stages of Dating.

The 'Meh. I can do worse' stage
The stage where you decide you want to date this person. And you may not know why yet. Disregarding his previous arrest records and the last relationship he had, she turned missing. But there must be something mysterious about him that you want to know. And hence, let the dating begin!

The hand-holding stage
With early daters, this is a stage that brings about a lot of excitement. This is the first time you guys bond. Look at her - She's so pretty, with her circular head and her eyes... and ear... and nose... and other ear... and mouth. So pretty that you want to reach into her pants-- I mean, hands . Yes. Hand-holding. It's so sweet.

 

The photo stage
It's like, you want to tell the world, but you don't want to outright say it. It's like saying that you're dating, but you can deny it if you want. It's comparable to peeing around him to mark your territory. You sort of want to remind people that he's yours, and he reeks of your pee.

The 'I speak french with my mouth' stage
Probably the most daring stage. Where when the two are lip-locking, and either one decides to thrust their tongue into the other's mouth. Of which, she backs up and goes, "What are you talking about? I didn't french you. My tongue slipped."

 

The home run
You know what I'm talking about. The field goal. The touch down. The hole-in-one. The slam dunk. The SHAZAAAM! The bow chicka bow wow. The Giggidy giggidy. Yeah, I'm running out of things to say.

 

The 'I'm dating him on facebook' stage
It's not complicated. Hell, you weren't even single. But you finally have the balls to tell the internet that you are, indeed, DATING this guy. It could be that you're no longer embarrassed about the way he dresses, or the way he dances, or how he smells like a tree. And I've seen fluctuations with this stage. Some people put it up instantly, while others don't even bother - even after 10 years. It's a serious sign of serious commitment.

The sexual fetish stage
The stage where you start experimenting. You're comfortable with each other. You start sharing things that you never wanted to share. You jokingly bring it up while holding each other on the couch - just to see if he's interested. And to your surprise, he is! And then it only goes downhill from there.

The awkward 'we can talk in the bathroom' stage
It's the stage where you guys are SO comfortable with each other, that you guys can talk anywhere. But pooing? The bathroom is a PRIVACY ZONE! I don't want to talk to you while excreting my droppings! But if you want - then power to you. Yeah, I won't be surprised if it's part of the 'sexual fetish' stage. OOOOH! CHEAP SHOT! BURN.

The 'I can't do anything without her' stage
Probably the most destructive stage ever. Where, you no longer want to cook because your lover just cooks so much better than you. Or maybe it's not cooking. Maybe it's doing laundry, or bathing, or milking cows. Whatever it is, you just stop doing it because she's better at it. And now you can't even think of living without them being there to do it for you.

The 'I'll still love you even if you were thrown until lava' stage.
That's some real serious commitment. Even if he burned his arm off? What about his lower torso? How about if he looked all creepy-like, like Freddy Kruegar?